Listening to Littles Helps Them Know Their Voice Matters
Image by Freepik
By Mark W.F. Condon, Unite for Literacy vice president
Given the primacy of language in children’s development, one of the historically common ideas that we should all immediately scrub from our thoughts is that children should be seen, but not heard.
Perhaps “HOGWASH!” is the best response to such a message. The premise that children should remain quiet until spoken to by parents and other adults lays the groundwork for kids coming to believe that they have nothing valuable to contribute to family conversations. That’s exactly the opposite of what must happen if our littles are to experience sustained success in school and life, and grow up to be contributing members to their families and society.
To promote strength and clarity in children’s languageS (note the plural there) the rest of us must create more than just a benign space where children are allowed to talk. We must create a nurturing arena where children are fully encouraged to speak, a place where they can learn that their initiation of conversation actually makes a difference to them and to others.
How do we create a space that welcomes kids’ verbal contributions?
We do this from the time a child is born, closely observing and becoming active listeners of babies and small children. We carefully “read” their facial expressions, acknowledging their efforts to verbally communicate. We consider the context to make sense of our observations. (Is it mealtime or time for a diaper change?) One thing is certain: regardless of the sounds they may produce, we assume even the youngest of children intentionally strive to communicate their needs, and we work to make sense of and respond to what we perceive to be their intended meanings. In essence, that means we assume the role of thoughtful kid watchers (observing how they engage in their own agendas) while we are being good caregivers.
It’s vitally important for parents to understand the irreplaceable benefits that verbal interchanges have for their children. They must understand that every interaction is an opportunity for babies’ learning. All our animated dialogues help babies by modeling for them how to engage with others.
Sometimes young parents may feel silly talking to babies, but the more the better! We’re animated when use facial expressions and gestures. When we pop our eyes, and raise, lower, and contort our brows. When we exaggerate emotions. When we add gestures and movement, even dance. To that we add wonderful vocals of varying volume and pitch, pauses, speed separated by intentional silence.
We do this all in an effort to convey the range of ways we and the baby can vocally say things to each other and to extend the invitation for them to give it a try. By offering infants and preschoolers such a smorgasbord of communication, we invite them to adopt and adapt words and phrases for their own purposes. Then we’re on the lookout for what littles are “saying,” seeking to understand their meanings.
We want to provide a responsive context where they can develop a sense of agency, where they can learn that what they communicate makes a difference in what happens to and for them. For the astute kid watcher, this is easy to do. Consider this example:
A young mom is grocery shopping with her infant daughter tucked in the cart’s safety seat. Her baby pulls a small unopened package of wipes from their cart and extends it to mom. “Oh, you want me to open this?,” the mother says as she holds out the now-open package. The baby tugs to remove two wipes, then proceeds to clean her hands and the cart. Mom comments, “You’re so good at cleaning, Carly!” Not a single conventional word is uttered by the baby, but her mom completely comprehends her message and let’s Carly know it.
What begins when tinies initiate efforts to convey to the world what they want, what they need, and how they wish to be understood continues lifelong, through infinite combinations of the sense-making acts that allow us all to connect.
Baby’s first words, smiles, tears, and expressions, while reason for celebration, cannot be considered the goal with all other communicative efforts seen as less important. We must absolutely encourage them to speak and be heard, starting day one and throughout their formative years, with adult willingness to be impacted by their ever-growing efforts to be somebody in the eyes and ears of their parents. That will lay the groundwork for them to seek to speak and be heard by other children and adults, and to attend to and try to make sense of what others are saying to them.